UN Unable to Broker End to The Galactic Civil War

starwarsThe Rebels and the Empire were unable to come to a comprise that would end the Galactic Civil War.

Another peace conference, another defeat, another year the Galactic Civil War will continue. Once again the Rebel Alliance and the Galactic Empire have been unable to come to a compromise which would have ended a civil war which has claimed billions of lives.

Both sides blamed each other for the failure of the peace process, with the Empire claiming that Rebel demands that the democratically elected Emperor Palpatine step down from office and that the Rebels would not be brutally murdered along with their families as “unreasonable.”

“The fact Emperor Palpatine ran unopposed and gained 99.99% of the vote only shows how much wide spread support he has.” Moff Zarkin said at the peace conference. “It would go against the principles of democracy if he had to step down before his heir has come of age to win the next election.”

To the Empire’s credit, a compromise was offered to the Rebels where they could run a candidate against Emperor Palpatine in the next election, provided that candidate was not a criminal and of pure human descent. They also offered that the Rebels, who are also criminals, would all be executed painlessly as opposed to being brutally tortured first as imperial law prescribes. The Rebellion offered no concessions, stating that their demands that Palpatine resigns and they get to live are “as low as they can possibly go.”

Year of Woe for the Rebel Alliance

Since the destruction of Aldaraan and the decision by the United Federation of Planets to stay out of the Galactic Civil War, the Rebel Alliance have found themselves pushed out of the Hoth System, at war with the break away Hutt Faction, and questions have been raised about their most successful commander, Luke Skywalker.

International commentators and Galactic Citizen’s alike were shocked to learn that Luke Skywalker had been in contact with Yoda, the Jedi Fundamentalist leader. Said to be hiding in an undisclosed cave, Yoda preaches a form of Jedi which forbids love and all negative emotions as well as the abduction of children at the age of 6 to be taught the ways of the Jedi.

Rumors have also emerged that Darth Vader is also Luke Skywalker’s biological father, however this has been steadfast denied by the Galactic Empire.