Starfleet Must Reject Blocking Commanders from Sexual Assault Cases

CreepyRiker

Along with the United States trying to grapple with sexual assault cases in their military, Starfleet is grappling with its own issues. In a few days the Federation Council will discuss removing Commanders from the decision making process on charging a member of Starfleet with sexually inappropriate behavior. Many Captains have voiced their concern about these changes, notably Captain Atari of the S.S. Custer’s Revenge, who has written an open letter to the federation council.

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Here is the letter in full:

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Gentlemen of the Federation Council,

I understand you are considering a proposal, from my very sexy opponent, Councilor Gillibrand, which would remove commanders from the decision making process of punishing sexual harassment and assault. It is my strong recommendation that this proposal is rejected on the grounds that the men of Starfleet have suffered enough and this proposal would be the final nail in the coffin of Starfleet’s morale.

What you must understand is that Starfleet has undergone enormous changes over the last few decades and we are still trying to adjust. Only a few decades ago, women were barred from holding a rank of Captain or higher on the grounds that their fragile female minds could not handle the stress of command.  Then in the interest of equality, we ignored all of our scientific knowledge and allowed them to rise in the ranks so Captain Janeway can trap her ship in the Delta Quadrant and Admiral Necheyev can find new and inventive ways of being a massive bitch.

Then there are the uniform changes. Not that long ago women had to wear tight, low cut, uniforms with those miniskirts for maximum morale enhancement. However, because women complained that this was “sexist” we had to give them uniforms that covered them up. Sure a few female ensigns died every year from the nylon in those uniforms being lit on fire from the friction of their thighs, but I believe their sacrifice was worth it for the morale of Starfleet.

Now you are considering legislation that if passed, will result in punishing officers who take certain liberties with their female crew members. Do you realize how many complaints of sexual harassment Admiral Kirk receives every month? Or how many officers will be court marshalled when it’s determined that Counselor Troi’s tight outfits are not implied consent to mind rape? Or the size of the lawsuit we face when Seven of Nine discovers we have sold her likeness to Quark’s Holosuites in order to make this year’s budget? It could mean the end of Starfleet itself.

And what’s next after this? Are we going to force Commander De Sade of the Rapeons, leader of the 69th Personal Assault brigade to change his name and reject his cultural heritage because women feel uncomfortable under his command? Will we force our values on him and all of the people on Molestia Prime?

No! A line must be drawn, and it must be drawn here and no further. Men in Starfleet have to face the grim fact that at any moment they can be sucked out into space, gutted by a bloodthirsty Klingon, or because you let those homo’s into the fleet… the threat of a superior male officer forcing junior men to perform indecent acts. Do you realize how terrifying it is to know that a male superior officer could force himself onto you in a homosexual way and there’s nothing you can do about it? I see how Admiral Sulu looks at me… like a piece of meat glazed in man sweat. He’s never done anything mind you, but just knowing he could keeps me awake at night. Unless we are able to do things like run our hands up young female ensign’s thighs, the men of Starfleet won’t be able to handle the stress. Everything will collapse and you’ll have a mutiny on your hands!

Captain Atari of the S.S. Custer’s Revenge